Strawberry Flavored Regret
by yoiidere
Summary: Frustrated with his fixation on Sebastian, Ciel ponders why his thoughts are filled with his devoted butler. His questions are answered when Sebastian comes to bring Ciel his usual afternoon snack. Sebastian/Ciel oneshot.


Sebastian's an idiot. I could say that much, at least.

A desperate attempt to focus on the Queen's newest request had been void at this point. The evidence of yet another case was sprawled over my desk, waiting impatiently for me to view its contents, but Conscience disobeyed my wishes and kept drifting back to my devoted, ominous butler.

All the data of the victims, the information regarding suspects, theories of motives: they were all here. The case was easy enough, especially considering the fact that I had solved many others before―and much harder than this one, I might add―but even as occupied as I was, my body and mind were completely separated.

My left eye twitched, my right eye hidden under my only secret, and I felt a shrill of annoyance building up inside.

_Damn Sebastian. _He was keeping me from doing anything productive with my time. Why the hell was I thinking about him again, anyways? Why had I been on edge whenever he was in the room, whenever I could feel his presence these past few days? Why is it that I begin to feel nervous whenever I see him smile with that smug expression of his? Why does my heart react so strangely whenever he set down his near-to-perfect dishes he made, knowing he had effortlessly made them for me and only for me?

Ugh. Everything about this was disgusting me the more I thought about it. Had I not been loyal to my principles as an English gentlemen, Sebastian would be begging me for mercy to stop torturing him.

It wasn't long until a scoff slipped through my lips, rethinking this. Even if I didn't want to admit it, I knew my body was too petite and fragile compared to Sebastian's. Compared to a _demon_. All I've come to accomplished when it came to physical abuse towards my butler was slapping him, and even that seemed ridiculous enough as a form of punishment. But really, what else was I suppose to do? Punch him? Hah! As if I'd ever do that! Besides, with my dainty hands, it probably would've looked sillier punching than slapping him. Plus, I wouldn't risk damaging any of the rings I wore on my fingers.

Sighing, I leaned back on my chair and averted my eyes down to a blue gem gleaming from my left thumb. I lifted my other hand, lightly caressing the hard, sapphire surface.

As head of the Phantomhive family, it was my duty to keep a calm composure and deal with things professionally. Letting personal issues disturb my work was unacceptable, especially when they were issues brought upon the existence of a mere (demon) butler. If I could just remind myself of this every so often, I'd be able to properly carry out my responsibilities.

Before I could complete this resolve, the door knob turned.

My eyes widened at the low click of the lockset. Besides the peculiar, high pitch ringing in my ears, the sound of my heartbeat could be heard without the need to check my pulse through physical touch. Suddenly, my throat felt parched, yearning as a hazel-like liquid swayed delicately in a tea cup appearing on a tray. An exquisite cake sat next to the cup, frosting covering a golden crust with strawberries in between spongy layers.

Consuming afternoon snacks were a part of my daily routine, yet why was I so nervous? The only possible conclusion my knowledge could conjure up was the fact that I knew who would enter after the meal.

He walked gracefully towards me, the tray perfectly aligned in the air as it should be. It took my brain a questionable amount of time before I could remember to breathe properly, keeping my expression composed as he set down the dish in an open space on the desk.

"Good afternoon, Young Master," he smiled accordingly, his voice sending shivers down my spine.

My heart exhilarated at the most ridiculous rate. _Breathe, Ciel, dammit!_

Up close, the cake's unusual shape and appearance was like nothing I'd ever come across before. The crust was almost circular, lopsided in some areas and obviously made to look lumpy with cream overflowing the top, the strawberry layered insides appearing funkier now that I was seeing it a foot from my face; but although this type of description was the best way I could simplify its uniqueness, it looked stunning and utterly mouthwatering.

Noticing that I was staring at it long enough to make anyone curious, Sebastian cut my hypnotic daze. "Young Master?"

I jumped, my expression seeming dumbfounded. Then blinking quickly, my attention turned towards the tall man. "Y-yes?" I asked, probably looking like I was frightened, but by what? I'll never know.

"You seem a bit suspicious about the dessert," he said as-a-matter-of-factly.

Is that what my observational visage portrayed? Suspicion? I was pretty sure I was admiring the appearance of the cake, if anything, not that I'd ever admit it.

"Do I?" I asked as I leaned back on the chair. It occurred to me then that I had unconsciously moved forward towards the alluring aroma.

Sebastian smiled, again causing my stupid heart to react strangely. Ugh.

"If you are curious about the origins of the cake, then I assure you, it is one of a kind. It's actually an original of mine." He bowed his head slightly, adding, "I apologize if it is not to your liking."

An original. I knew Sebastian had always made the cakes for me prior to this afternoon's snack, but they were all created by various bakers in different countries. He made this one _especially_ for me. And I could feel it. The splash of red slapping my cheeks, my hands quivering as they now clutched the armrests beside me. "I suppose I'll eat it," I said sounding unnaturally reluctant.

My stubborn attitude was unfortunate to uphold, needless to say. I always had a habit of sounding like I didn't care about anything most of the time. After all, I had an excuse, going through the pitiful past I had.

My right hand unclenched the armrest and picked up the fork laying sideways on the floral-designed plate. The amount of shaking my fingers ensued was absurd. Inevitable nervousness started to overcome me, my arm now unsteady, and if it had not been for Sebastian's demonic senses, the small portion of cake I managed to scoop definitely would've spread its velvet-like cream on the floor.

He held my arm firmly, his free hand catching the fork before I could do anything but gasp. "Young Master, are you alright?"

I wanted to shake my head.

Of course I wasn't alright. My thoughts were obstrusively filled with him, and I had no idea why.

Since we made that contract two years ago, since he so faithfully followed me this whole time, since he was the first person I saw when I woke up and the last person I saw before I slept. Knowing that whenever I called him, he would come to me, prepared to take any order I gave him with the same three words, 'Yes, My Lord.' It was more than just the fact that he was with me because of our contract. It was like he was bound to _me_ as Ciel Phantomhive, as a person. It was all these reasons and more that I could verify: I was anything but alright. I was a mess. And he had no idea.

I didn't shake my head, nor did I nod. I just stared at him, fear glinting off my only visible iris. I knew exactly at that moment what had been bothering me this whole time; why I was so shaken up in the first place about this whole relationship between Sebastian and I.

I was in love with him. I was in love, and I couldn't do anything about it.

An overwhelming feeling of hopeless filled my body, knowing I could never actually tell him. Tell him I craved for his company. Tell him that I wasn't alright because I cherished him and knew he could never reciprocate the same feelings for me because our motives behind being around each other were completely different.

This was a one-sided love, and it would always be one-sided.

After what seemed like an eternity of silence, I scoffed darkly at myself, tears now making Sebastian's figure blurry. How pathetic of me, falling in love with my own butler, a _man_ nonetheless, not that gender mattered at this point. And now I was crying.

"Pathetic," I sputtered aloud through my tears.

Sebastian's eyebrows dropped, his perfect forehead creasing. "So the dessert is not to your liking?"

His voice. His presence. They were the last things that would help me in the situation I was in. I rolled my good eye as the thought of being disinterested in something would make me break down in tears.

I wiped my face quickly with my wrists, shaking my head. "I'm eating," my voice croaked, a hint of stubbornness following through. If eating the damn dessert would stop Sebastian from asking me what was wrong, then I was going to eat until I felt like throwing it back up.

My attempt to snatch the stained fork from his hand was futile as he held it back from me, extending his arm so I wouldn't be able to reach it. Anger bubbled up in the pit of my stomach, and my eyebrows furrowed as I offered my meanest glare at the man before me. "Sebastian," I said in a rising, more confident tone. "Give me the stupid fork."

The black butler chuckled under his breath and shook his head once. "If I left you to eat by yourself the way you are now, I'm pretty sure you'd spill everything all over the nice carpet." I put up a front, but he was right. My hands were shaking even faster than before. "We wouldn't want that, now would we?"

I was in no condition to answer. Other than the fact that my left eye filled with tears again, my pride was getting in the way, and I wasn't about to give Sebastian the satisfaction of knowing me so well. I fixated my gaze on the carpet, trying to block out the humiliation.

A sigh slipped through his lips as he spoke nonchalantly. "I suppose if you want to taste it _that_ bad.."

Before I could comprehend what he was getting at, Sebastian pulled my chin up so that our eyes met, the distance between our faces measured by mere inches.

I was trapped. Despite the fact that this demon was a thousand times stronger than me, I was unable to leave his restless gaze that seemed to pierce through every part of my body. My face flushed scarlet and my fingers again began to shiver violently on the armrests.

Sebastian was more than just my butler. He was much more than that, no matter how many times I'd deny he wasn't. But what was I to him? Another soul he'd devour after my wish had been granted? I was Sebastian's meal, despite how cheesy it sounded. Nothing more, nothing less.

Thanks to peripheral vision, I could see that he had picked up something without diverting his attention from me. In a slow motion, he craned his neck to the right and brought the unknown object up to his lips. A golden brown crust, crushed strawberries, and silk-like cream sat on the half end of the fork. "Excuse me, Young Master," the butler spoke half-heartedly.

Then, Sebastian's lips were on mine.

_W-wait, what the-?!_

Time to process everything: there was no such thing. Sebastian pushed his tongue randomly inside my mouth, bits of the cake held between his teeth now being crushed between our tongues, overlapping each other again and again. It was going by so fast that my mind deliberated whether the events occurring were actually real or not. My current self had only been able to comprehend how overly stuffed my mouth was, my well-being at the brink of suffocation as Sebastian forced both his tongue and the cake down my throat. I tried to gag out the food and push off his weight hovering over me, but the dumbass butler had me in a death grip, his hands holding down my arms on either sides. His upper body pushed eagerly against mine. His left knee snaked its way onto the center of the chair, forcing a gap between my now spread out legs. How clever, sadistic; there was no room for escape.

He pulled his mouth away from mine, giving me time to regain my sanity, though not much of it. Soft lips drew themselves slowly down the outline of my jaw, the tip of his nose trailing my skin closely behind. The smooth caress sent goosebumps numerously around my body, the cake's crust almost choking me as I held back a stifling moan. He swept tender kisses down a path to my chin, past my throat, then finally, to the base of my neck, his hair tickling my cheeks with its light, consistent brush. I shivered in anticipation.

"Swallow," he breathed against my skin.

My head spun, but I obeyed the order willingly with haste. It was near to the impossible, but I managed to swallow while Sebastian's tongue traveled up and down my neck, the lumpy substance rolling unpleasantly down my throat.

"S-Sebastian," my voice broke out, though barely audible. "What.. what're you-"

"Shh," he whispered, his lips pressed just below my Adam's Apple, "we're not done yet."

His right hand freed my arm, and he leaned away from me for the shortest second. Like the first time, he scooped up bits of the cake, crimson eyes never leaving mine, and placed it in his mouth. Then, the demon plunged towards me.

The kiss was rougher. Sebastian's tongue pushed aggressively against mine, the hard crust of the cake smashing against sweet strawberries and silky cream. The harder his tongue pushed, the more effort it took to swallow the luscious taste of the dessert and his saliva submissively. The sensation, the way they _ tasted _together. Oh, God.

Then, epiphany struck me.

What was I doing? What was Sebastian doing? How come his left hand locked behind my head, pulling my face closer to his whenever I wanted to breathe? Why was I not making an attempt to stop these forbidden actions?

My head was dizzy. As much as I wanted to reject my love for him, my soul coveted this with every aching bone in my body. Even if it was an illusion, I just wanted this blissful moment to last. Forever.

My hands jolted up from the armrests and clutched desperately onto my butler's tailcoat, the willpower to stop vanishing completely. I corresponded his movements, my breath hot under the cool flavors that now danced excitedly between our lips. Sebastian repeated the sequence of putting cake in his mouth and transferring its contents into mine, again and again, each time more enthusiastic and greedier than the last.

After a while, he noticed that it had become hard for me to inhale properly. Tightening a grip on my hair, he arched my head back so that my face was parallel to the ceiling, giving him clear access to my neck.

"S-Sebastian!" I sputtered as his teeth gently grazed the surface of my skin.

"It seems you have forgotten, Young Master," he muttered, chuckling to himself. "You still haven't been properly punished."

"Punished?" my voice choked. "W-what do you mean?" I yelled shakily.

His lips pulled up into smile along my neck. Then, he bit me.

The room echoed with my moan, convincingly loud enough to be heard anywhere in the mansion. Fingertips dug into Sebastian's back as the erection in my pants gradually desired his touch the deeper his teeth sunk into my neck. And yet, all too soon, it ended.

"I hope you understand now that it hurts my feelings when you make such a resentful expression towards the desserts I make for you."

With that said, he pulled his body away from the chair, leaving me a mess with my legs still spread open, my shoulders now slumped, and my eyes deeming half-lidded and filled with nothing but lust. If I wasn't such a mess right now, I would've glared at him. But I couldn't. Not when I was all teary-eyed and looked like I was about to faint. I let it go while I watched him bow his head slightly.

"Now, if you'll excuse me-"

As Sebastian began to turn away from me, my left hand automatically reached for him. My head shot up almost instantly. I stared at my butler, my eyes wide with plead. He stared back, waiting for me to say what I wanted to say.

This was it. I knew what would happen after he'd leave this room. He'd act as if he'd done nothing to me. He'd be the perfect butler and never speak of what happened behind these doors to anyone. He'd leave me to wonder what would have happened between us, let my fantasies get the better of me while he knew well enough that nothing could ever truly develop past this relationship we were bound to each other with. His reliable memory would never let him forget this, but his loyalty as a butler would never allow him to bring it up.

I let myself over analyze it all, then sighed as a restless glance caught the sight of the floral-designed plate on the desk. It was wiped clean. I knew then what I had to say, and automatically knew I would regret it later.

Letting go of Sebastian's arm, I leaned back on my chair, rested my elbow on the armrest, and sat my right cheek on the palm of my hand. "Sebastian," I said, the tone in my voice normal like any other day.

"Yes?" he replied, his eyes filled with both curiosity and alert.

I closed my left eye for a moment and breathed in deeply.

Then, opening my eye, I gazed expressionlessly at him. "Pretend this never happened."

The corners of his mouth curved upwards. At that moment, he truly looked like a demon.

Bowing in front of me, he placed his right hand over his heart and repeated his locution for the millionth time for me. Only me. "Yes, My Lord."


End file.
